I'm a mess,
and I pay for it in losses.
I'm a sore loser,
my head hurts.
I'm walking,
I'm searching.
I look behind me,
I see your face.
You look warm in the past.
I look beside me,
now you look cold.
And ahead of me there is light,
and it's blinding me.
For all I know,
there's no you in it.
For all I know,
you are the light.
For all that I don't know,
you could mean everything.
For all that I do know,
you don't mean a thing at all.
Now,
I run.

Pretty, Lonely

I'm a pretty, lonely girl,
and I've been pushed too far.
I'm a pretty lonely girl,
and I don't know who you are.
I look at the past and I smile.
And I look at the future with a hint of denial.
I slip through the spaces.
There aren't any traces.
My presence isn't noticed or unnoticed.
And my freedom is corroded.
I all I want to do is be there.
And now all I'd like to do is not care.
But I've never been that girl.
And I fear I'll never be a part of one world.
It always comes down to a confusing end,
why don't I feel like anyone is really, truly, actually, my friend?

Boy/Girl, Girl/Boy

Pretend that you know me.
And I'll pretend I know you.
We'll start by giving our names,
but they are not our names.
Then we will divulge our secrets,
but they will not belong to us.
We will touch each other,
but we will not feel what we should.
We will lay side by side,
and we will lie one to the other.
I will love you,
conditionally.
I will pretend to be that girl,
you will pretend to be that boy.
I will wear a skirt.
You will wear pants.
We will pretend to be old,
we will pretend that it's new again.
Pretending that we fit,
pretending everything is as it should be.
Believing there is no different choice when really,
all we have to do is stop.

I. & II.

I.
There is a way that I see you that no one else ever will. You will never know the way my eyes travel over every inch of your face, taking it in so that I can remember all the little things when I'm away from you. Your smile is a permanent fixture in my memory. If I want to smile, I think about you. When you touch me, you will never know what I feel inside. When you kiss me, you will never know the sensation in the pit of my heart that travels all the way to my fingertips. You will never understand all the ways that you make me feel. I can only hope you feel the same...

II.
I know no one will ever see me they way you do. No one will ever spend so much time studying my face. I know you're just trying to get enough to remember until next time. When I smile, I smile for you. When I need to smile, I think about you. When I touch you, I touch you differently than anyone I have ever touched. And when I kiss you, oh, when I kiss you..I kiss you like our lips were made for each others', because they were. I will never understand how you make me feel the way you do. But I love it. I can only hope you feel the same...

* * * *

I.
I cried today. You made me cry. Its never happened before. I don't know how to deal with this.

II.
You cried today. It was my fault. That's never happened. I don't know how to fix this.

* * * *

I.
I wish you could just see what you've done. I wish you understood.

II.
I don't know what's happening. Talk to me.

* * * *

I.
I don't know what to do to make you see.

II.
I can't do this anymore.

-End-

Say what you need to say..

Waves

Love is not for the faint of heart, they say.
And we are young and our hearts,
our hearts may be developed,
but they are not strong enough.
So we love hard first.
Our hearts haven't felt the pain of breakage,
so we dive into the perfection.
When we hit that first wave,
we swim through it.
We hit another wave,
and it takes longer to catch our breath,
after we push through.
The next wave submerges us.
There's water in our noses.
The salt burns our eyes.
We swallow too much and get sick.
Then it all comes crashing down so hard.
It all comes crashing down and we are crying.
But the tears and the water taste the same.
And no one can hear us in the middle of the sea,
drowning.
It takes so long to swim to shore.
We collapse on the sand.
We pass out.
We awaken and pull ourselves up.
Or sometimes we are saved.
The next time we dive in,
we won't swim out so far.
We will steer clear of the waves we cannot push through.
We may choose to wade in the shallow waters sometimes.
But as all lovers and swimmers do,
we return to the ocean.
We can't imagine living,
without the warm caress of the briny blue sea.
Without love.