Will You?

Will you still be here when I'm ready? Will you still be around when I'm ready to love again?

I've had my life shattered into pieces over something I never thought would break. I was a naive child. I was a young girl. I was so easily broken. I was so easily ruined. I crumbled. My heart gave way, it was the foundation and it crumbled, and everything inside me collapsed. I fell into a spiral. I buried myself under emotional blankets. I was someone else to everyone, but as I lay in bed during those nights, I felt as though I could sink into the springs of my mattress, into whatever lay beneath. I felt as though disappearing into the unreal would somehow leave the pain in the real world. I was wrong. I was stupid. I was irrational. So much more was broken than I ever imagined could be. There were fragments of friendships laying on on the ground, like pieces of a broken mirror. I could see myself in them, and I was ugly. My eyes had cried so many tears, my mouth had spoken so many ugly words. I would never be the same, and it hurt my soul to know so.

I will never be the same, that I know. Knowing it now and knowing it then are so different. Now I know I'll never be the same because that isn't who I was meant to be. I'm not meant to be easily broken. I'm not meant to shatter. I'm meant to stand tall. I'm meant to put the pieces back together to the best of my ability. I am meant for so much more than to be that girl. I am meant for you.

So will you be there when I'm ready? Will you be there to love me when I can say it back?

I look at your bright eyes and I smile inside, and I feel warm. I feel you when you aren't even touching me. I long to love you. I know that I can. Please don't think that I will never be able to. It's there. I'm meant to love you, we are meant to be amazing, I can feel it. I just need that patience. I need you to wait a little longer.

I'm here, can't you feel me? Don't you feel it when we touch?

When I kiss you, it brings that possibility closer to the surface, with every soft brush of lips and fingertips. And when you hold me in your arms I know that you're good for me. When I lay on your chest to hear your heart beat, I know that it's keeping time until I can give all of myself to you.

Stay with me, hold on longer, please?

I, I, I...