Killing Time

I keep trying to kill time,
but for some reason this motherfucker won't die.
So here I am thinking of a million ways,
to pass the minutes, the hours, the days.
I'm just trying to make it to the other side,
and I'm hoping that you're there at the end of the ride.
There are things I can't explain,
emotions and feelings ingrained,
to my past I feel chained,
I haven't changed.
But, that's impossible though,
'cause I'm not the same me from a year ago.
And yet still I see the difficulty of all this,
every single time we kiss,
I make a wish.
I wish for strength and trust, honest lust,
because besides the trust,
and the strength and all that,
sometimes a girl like wouldn't mind gettin' her ass slapped.
Yeah, I said it, that vulgar shit,
do I sound like I care in the slightest?
But back to killin' this bitch time,
I can't sit still watching the second hand glide.
I wanna stab this bitch, I wanna make her die,
but killing time has never been easy for anybody.
If you figure it out, let me know,
until then I guess I'll just let it go.

Yesterday

Your face looks just like my yesterday. And when I look in the mirror, I see tomorrow in my own. There came a point a while ago when I looked you in the eyes, your familiar lips and cheekbones, and I realized that yesterday you mattered and today you don't. The transition went unnoticed and I'll admit I was surprised. There was a time when I fought with myself constantly about who I'd let you be to me. I obsessed over it, I yearned for more and less and everything in between. You were my second love and my only regret all wrapped into one. I wasted time, I made mistakes. You were my biggest failure and my greatest learning experience. You are my anomaly and I will never understand it and I am settled on that. Never at peace, but I'm settled. You are my yesterday. I am my tomorrow.

All the things I wish we had,
went out the window when it all went bad.
You're fucking me over, you're so remiss.
It's fucked up that it only takes one kiss.
One look dead in my eye to make it okay,
but what about the next day?
What about what I say?
Don't make it seem acceptable,
because these actions are regrettable.
The only problem is you're unforgettable,
not haveable, not grabable.
Sometimes I wish I felt bad that it feels so good.
Sometimes I wish you'd do the things I know you could.
Sometimes I wish you'd just sit us on the shelf,
because I know I can't do it myself,
you're so bad for my health.
I can barely find my mental stability,
because whenever you get into me,
I find I'm fucked mentally,
just as much as physically.

Little Spoon

*This isn't meant to be serious, it spawned from a convo with friends! Nonetheless, enjoy!

Come on, let's lay down.
Not like that, like this.
I'll show you how it's done,
Just like I showed you how to kiss.
Remember this? Yes, now pay close attention.
Lay right beside me, what else should I mention?
Oh yes, that's right, turn your body towards my own.
And then I'll turn where our eyes can't be shown.
And this way you can hold on to my waist,
and kiss the soft edges of my face.
And what do we call this interesting position?
We can call it whatever you're wishin'.
As of now you're big spoon whenever we're together,
and I wanna be your little spoon forever and ever.

Hope

This life is beautiful. Yes, it is truly magnificent in ways both unexplainable and unattainable. Reach for the stars, they say, and we do. Well, some of us. Those of us who stay close to the ground out of fear never experience the breathlessness of pure, untouched hope. It burns your lungs with such a crispness that you cannot bear to do anything but come back down. You spread the word of the way hope fills you, and then the people at the bottom rise up to take a breath. That, is how hope stays alive. That, is how we live and die. That is makes us, breaks us and molds us. That ever-changing, ever-growing hope. It floats above us, just waiting to be inhaled, waiting to show you all the stars you didn't know you could reach. Hope for love, peace, happiness. And then grab the stars you need to make it happen. You, must be the change. You, must chose what air to breathe, what person to allow to love you, what things will make you truly happy. Hope is that subtle fog that you see when you wake up too early, making life beautiful every morning, just aching for you to uncover the stars.

Ignorance or Truth?

I will be honest and raw with you in this moment, as we sit in slightly dingy chair that we are sharing. This house is feeble and tight, but it only feels that way when you're absent from the space. I playfully tug at your hat, pulling it over your eyes. You pretend to be annoyed with a smile behind your "Stop!". I was hoping to say more than I could ever say with words, because in this moment I am so very certain that I love you. It is a painful revelation. I almost hate myself for it. I almost hate you for it. I almost want to curl up into you and pretend that I can will it away. But I cannot, and although we are comfortably tangled in this chair, you are still my friend, and nothing less, but sometimes just a little more. I fall in and out of you, I want more and less of you, I want to get away, and I want to be by your side. I want to push you away and I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you. I always want to kiss you. Honest and raw is what I said I would be, but I changed my mind when I looked at your face. Why? Because ignorance holds just a little more promise than truth when it comes to you.

I'm inherently in love with the idea of you,
but there's this inherent fear of you.
I'm running back and away from the things I know,
I know it's not right or wrong and it shows.
But every time you come to me,
I want to come times three.
And you see, my dilemma is one of sexuality.
It's a dilemma of immorality,
My conscience kicked in, naturally.
All my friends keep warning me,
but I can't even think about what any of it means.
Layin' awake at night having crazy dreams,
I feel like falling apart at the seams.
I know I'm gonna end up going with my gut feeling,
I just hope I'm not doing the wrong thing..