Ignorance or Truth?

I will be honest and raw with you in this moment, as we sit in slightly dingy chair that we are sharing. This house is feeble and tight, but it only feels that way when you're absent from the space. I playfully tug at your hat, pulling it over your eyes. You pretend to be annoyed with a smile behind your "Stop!". I was hoping to say more than I could ever say with words, because in this moment I am so very certain that I love you. It is a painful revelation. I almost hate myself for it. I almost hate you for it. I almost want to curl up into you and pretend that I can will it away. But I cannot, and although we are comfortably tangled in this chair, you are still my friend, and nothing less, but sometimes just a little more. I fall in and out of you, I want more and less of you, I want to get away, and I want to be by your side. I want to push you away and I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you. I always want to kiss you. Honest and raw is what I said I would be, but I changed my mind when I looked at your face. Why? Because ignorance holds just a little more promise than truth when it comes to you.

I'm inherently in love with the idea of you,
but there's this inherent fear of you.
I'm running back and away from the things I know,
I know it's not right or wrong and it shows.
But every time you come to me,
I want to come times three.
And you see, my dilemma is one of sexuality.
It's a dilemma of immorality,
My conscience kicked in, naturally.
All my friends keep warning me,
but I can't even think about what any of it means.
Layin' awake at night having crazy dreams,
I feel like falling apart at the seams.
I know I'm gonna end up going with my gut feeling,
I just hope I'm not doing the wrong thing..

Best Kind of Broken

I'm the best kind of broken there is,
my cracks and chips resemble a masterpiece.
I'm the best kind of broken there is,
my soul is the grandest of feasts.
So take in my broken down insides,
devour them and make some room.
Demolish my crumbled insides,
and rebuild yourself a home.
Build the bricks up from the bottom,
foundation is the key to my heart.
Build my walls up from the bottom,
from many endings comes the start.
I'm the best kind of broken there is,
I'm new and strong, and pretty.
I'm the best kind of broken there is,
all because you rebuilt me.

I am your pretty flower.
I bloomed for you.
Where did you go?
You left me in the hot sun,
to dry and wither away.
So I will wilt for you,
I'll shrink and dry,
and you'll never know.
You'll miss my scent.

Decision

The time has come to make a decision. I have loved him for so long, it feels. But our hearts are far away as we lay together, side by side, no longer touching. I gently turn to face him, and the peace on his face as he sleep fools me, if only for a moment. I gently run my hand across his chest, and he reaches to take it into his, and slowly opens his eyes. We don't really speak, I just kiss him instead. We intertwine like well acquainted vines, so used to wrapping around each other. We move together like waves, gently pushing against the beach. We are so very used to this, and yet as his tongue crosses that line, and finds it's way into me, something is different. I am feeling new things about him, I am making new noises, he's not a stranger but he's something else. And then he's in me, and I just know this is not the man I loved. I have never been to this place before, I have never laid in this bed, I am so very lost in this sea of pleasure. It feels so new that it feels amazing. I cannot tell good from bad, I cannot speak clear English, I can't even tell whether I want this or I don't.
Now I'm coming, and he's coming, and we're collapsing in a heap of limbs and confusion. I somehow bring myself back down to sanity, and when I look at you, you have become someone else. I love you like I have never loved. I need you like I have never needed. I feel you in a way I've never felt. I can't turn away from your eyes. Eventually we sleep. Every day after this night will never be the same, the love won't be the same, I won't be the same. The decision has been made. Forever.

Lost is the innocence,
instead, angst and silence .
The pretty girl sits within the chaos,
her mind weary and her vision lost.
Where did she go wrong?
Where did she belong?
She thought to herself a divide must be drawn,
between the loved, the loveless, and those who are gone.
Stay happy on your own,
with your wings you will have flown,
and I promise life will go on as if you never knew.
This isn't what's good and real and true.
Breathe easily because you will be okay.
When they fall apart, and there will be a day;
We will laugh at their stupidity and naivety,
and walk hand in hand smiling happily.

You

I don't wanna love you,
I don't wanna look at you.
I don't wanna touch you.
I just wanna lose you.
And I know I never had you,
and I know you didn't want to.
And I wish I hadn't let you,
We just wanted it too soon.
Broken into tiny pieces,
fractured dreams, we release them.
Relinquish all power, all triumph, all glory,
I am not yours, you're just part of the story,
Page after page I grow nearer to the real and true,
and something in the words tells me it isn't you.
And you can tell it too,
so what's a girl to do?
When every time I do me,
I come back, to you...